So ….. We are actually doing ok. I’m very proud of myself. I am still scared, but managing it in a way I can handle and am starting to find small joys again in things I used to like before (Pinterest, clothes, etc.) Not being able to exercise has been very hard but that just would not be the most comfortable choice for my poor little head right now. I have been trying to take walks which can be extremely rejuvenating (but not the same as Zumba).
So, I had a bit of an epiphany yesterday as to why/how I’m doing ok (god I don’t want to jinx it). I just never felt 100% safe after I was given the all- clear from breast cancer last year on July 25. I kept waiting for the other ball to drop. Waiting for something to come back. I’m not sure why, I was trying so hard to function and live my normal life, but I just never felt good. I was tense, worried, and doing my best to fake it. It was awful. Not a day went by when i wasn’t struck by the fear that my cancer had returned, even in the smallest capacity. So with all these new developments, it just happened. The cancer came back and I have to be strong. I can’t control it but the other shoe has dropped and we are forced as family and friends to deal with it as tearfully and as gracefully as possible.
Sigh. Thank you my readers for listening. The outcome of support is so overwhelming and beautiful. I could not make it through the days without you. xo CP